so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
