I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
