Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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