We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
