I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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