Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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