Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
