theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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