hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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