I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
