His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
