i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
