Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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