are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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