Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
