Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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