I'm really into asian looking animals
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
