just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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