Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
