I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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