I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
