drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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