i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
