thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
