At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize