mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
