Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
