Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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