Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
there's paper in my vomit.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
