dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
