Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
