bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
