I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
