my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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