At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
