Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
