By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you never un-have a 4some
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
