I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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