Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
