whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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