I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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