He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
