just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
