ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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