I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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