I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And then he peed in my hair
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