At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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