My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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