I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
