Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
