Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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