She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
