i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
