im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
