No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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