need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize