I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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