Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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