I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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