Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You can't just leave with hair like that
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
