Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
