It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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