Got a toothbrush?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
