i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
