Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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