i permit you to call me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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