my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
