this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What a dumb baby whore.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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