Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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