I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
