Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
as a side note pls kill me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
