I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
