We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
