i think my mom watched the whole time
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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