I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
