Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
