you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
