is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
