So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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