Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
