i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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